5 pieces of bad advice I've received from people trying to help

1. You don't need to depend on anyone--ever

2. You have to spend money to make money

3. It's important to share what you really think if you want truthful relationships

4. Brown and green are your colors

5. Trust people until they give you a reason not to

BE WISE

BE SATISFIED

Lesson's Learned in 2015 by Diane Webb

Keep trying, no matter what, never quit trying

(lost 40 pounds)

Anger boomerangs and it's bigger when it comes back at you

(don't lash out)

Wait before responding because you can't take it back

(some things are better left un-said)

Silence is sometimes the best response

(You don't have to answer every question or comment)

Truth without kindness is brutality indeed

(People don't want to hear the truth and they care less for your opinion)

Listen harder, better, longer, and more often

(People just want to feel heard even when you can't help)

We are all selfish to a certain extent and it's not cool

(I'm more selfish than I've been willing to admit)

When I point or judge it's really myself I'm talking about

(I don't live up to my own standards for myself so I take it out on others)

It's not too late to make things right with people you've hurt

(The past is over but that's no excuse not to do better by people you love now)

People, most of the time, are pretty forgiving when given half a chance to

(They just want to know you are sorry and you care)

There's no such thing as "constructive criticism"

(No one cares what you think and they already know their own faults and mistakes)

Prayer works, I need to do it more often

(Prayer is our number 1 purpose and mission in this world)

Hurt people really do hurt people

(Look past the hurtful and see the hurting)

All people are hurt in some way or another

(Let's just be as patient and kind to each other as we can)

Ignoring negatives works better than confronting them

(You don't always have to respond to rudeness or inappropriate things people say and do)

Most of my bad feelings, thoughts, behaviors are because I'm avoiding sadness

(When I find myself acting like a "dry-drunk" I need to ask myself who or what I am sad about)

I love people who have hurt me and that does not make me foolish

(I'm still going to love)

My time and money need to be spent on the people and things that really matter the most to me

(Time is more important than money)

New Year's Resolutions Suggestions updated for 2016 by Diane Webb

Image by slimmer_jimmer via Flickr

Only pick one resolution to work on at the time.  If it takes one year or two that's OK.  When you have mastered one then select another one.  The idea is to work on lifestyle or thinking patterns that, once changed, will affect many areas of your life.  Rather than working on surface things (which will have to be tackled one by one) you work on underlying or root cause issues which then will work like a domino affect and automatically address many things at once.  Please add to the list.

• Work on not wanting anything you don't already have--use "I shall not want" any time you see something you want to buy or are thinking about buying
• Start a savings account no matter how small and make regular deposits--set it up as automatic deposits if you can
• Work on not talking about anyone who is not present in the conversation--even if it's good or true
• Read the Bible every day--use one that's easy for you to read and understand or a study Bible
• Work on eating only food or drinking only drinks that have nutritional value--try to get the biggest amount of nutrition possible per meal or drink
• If you have health problems read your Bible 3 x day like taking a dose of medication (this one is from Derrek Prince)
• Work on not judging at all--this mean rating something either good or bad--not judging means no assessments, conclusions, or assumptions (this one may take more than 1 year)
• Work on completely listening when someone talks to you (no thinking about what you are going to say)
• Work on not minding the thing that bothers you the most (increasing your tolerance level for things you hate--like being interrupted, sudden changes, etc...).  This does not mean you accept or agree, it's just that you are turning the volume down on how much you let it bother you
• Work on never saying or thinking anything negative about yourself
• Work on never saying "I can't stand it" or "I can't handle it"
• Work on never giving an immediate answer if asked to so something and if pressed for an immediate answer always say "if I have to answer now then I have to say no"
• Work on being able to say "no" and stick to it
• Work on not giving or responding to guilt trips
• Work on being kind in all circumstances
• Work on assuming positive intent of others (even when it's not necessarily so)
• Work on seeking God's perfect will rather than God's permissive will
  

Do Something Different (Diane Webb)

Image via Wikipedia

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

by Diane Webb

Making simple changes in your daily life will have a positive effect on your ability to manage stress as well as help you break out of unconscious destructive patterns.  Use the following as practice then create your own way to “do something different”

1.    Put the toilet paper roll on the holder backwards.

2.    Sit at a different place at the table.

3.    Use your fork or spoon with the other hand.

4.    Watch a television program you’ve never watched before.

5.    Sleep on the other side (or other end) of the bed.

6.    Put a dish in the “wrong” cabinet.

7.    Wear a color you don’t usually wear.

8.    Comb your hair a different way.

9.    Use the wrong hand to open doors and hold things.

10.                       Say something better than “fine” when asked, “How are you?”

After doing these, begin to come up with your own.  Get in the habit of looking for ways to “do something different”.  When you get good at it with small things, you will automatically begin to see opportunities to change bigger things.  Before you know it, your whole life will be different (in a good way) and change will no longer have the power to stress you out.

How to say "no" without saying "no" (by Diane Webb)

If you have trouble saying "no" when you want to; try some of these:

I'm not comfortable with that

Let me think about that and get back with you

I'll let you know tomorrow

I'll give that careful consideration

I'll give that prayerful consideration

I'm going to have to think about that

Let me give some some thought

I'll take that under consideration

I think I'll pass

I have to decline

I'll look into that

I'm sorry

I wish I could help

Journaling Ideas by Diane Webb

Normally, with my clients,  I am opposed to journaling--especially for those who are depressed. I use to write only when I was mad, sad, or  upset.  What I ended up with was some very depressing journals which did not accurately reflect my life--it only showed the bad.  I ended up putting them all in bleach water then trashing them.  Over time I have discovered some positive and productive ways to use journaling.  Here are some ideas:
1.  Write each day what you are thankful for (at least 3 things per day)
2.  Write down your answered prayers
3.  Write down insights and inspirations
4.  Come up with themes to write about each week (past memories one week, favorite pets the next)
5.  If you do write bad or negative thoughts or feelings, make sure to balance them out with positives of at least an equal number if not more
6.  Write down what you love about different people in your life (a different person per day)
7.  Write down meaning ful Bible scriptures as you come across them
8.  Write about life lessons learned each day
9.  Write about your closest moment with God each day
10. Write things you have learned throughout your life that you want to pass on
11. Lists of favorites

When to keep your mouth shut

Not sure who the author is but it was given to me by April Roberson, one of the counselors I work with.

DON'T OPEN YOUR MOUTH:
...in the heat of anger
...when you don't have all the facts
...when you haven't verified the story
...if your words will offend
...if your words will reflect badly on you or anyone else
...when you would be ashamed of your words later
...if your words would convey the wrong impression
...if the issue is none of your business
...when you are tempted to tell a lie
...if your words would damage someone's reputation
...if your words would damage a relationship
...when you are feeling critical
...if you can't speak without yelling
...when it's time to listen
...if you may eat your words later
...if you have already said it more than once
...when you are suppose to be doing something else

Build yourself up

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I AM STRONG

By Diane Webb

(Use these to build up your inner strength)

I am not helpless

I never give up

I never give in

I never feel sorry for myself

I don’t want people feeling sorry for me

I take care of myself

I look out for myself

I love myself

I believe in myself

I am strong

I am brave

I am smart

I know what’s good for me

I am not helpless

Things to watch out for (traps)

TRAPS
(Tricks used to get us off track)
By Diane Webb, LCSW

1. Deception (bad disguised as good)
2. Discouragement (from self or others)
3. Fear and worry (instead of concern, planning, or problem solving)
4. Doubt (of self or others)
5. Guilt (instead of regret)
6. Pity (instead of compassion)
7. Expectations (of self & others)
8. Confusion (opinions, advice, thoughts)
9. Pressure (from self & others)
10. Stress
11. Fatigue (tired, weak, lack of sleep, poor nutrition)
12. Negative or critical words or thoughts (from self or others)
13. Wanting things your way
14. Wanting things (stuff)
15. Worrying about what other people think
16. Letting your guard down (arrogance/pride)
17. Looking inward too hard (over-analyzing)
18. Resentment (includes anger)

Inner child healing exercise

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INNER CHILD HEALING

By Diane Webb

Say these things to yourself as if you are talking to yourself as a small child or imagine someone else saying them to you (like God).

I love you.

I care about you.

I’m here for you.

You are important to me.

I’m thinking about you.

You are so special.

I love you just the way you are.

You are beautiful to me.

You are so smart.

I’m so glad you are here.

I’ll take care of you.

I’ll protect you.

I will keep you safe.

I am proud of you.

I hear you; I am listening.