A to Z Coping Strategy

To keep your mind off of things, reduce anxious feelings, help you sleep, or redirect your self from cravings or panic attack:  Take the letters of the alphabet and in order (A-Z) name things, places or people you are thankful for.  For example, I am thankful for:

A-Alena and America

B-The Bible, Blue (our dog) and BACON

C-Chocolate and Coffee

D-Daddy and Desserts of all kinds

E-Emerson and Electricity

F-Freedom and Family

G-Georgia Weather and Gravity

H-Horses and Heaven

I-Ice Cream and Internet

J-Jesus, Jack and Justice

K-Kira and Koala Bears

L-Love, Liberty, Lyndon and Lucy

M-Mary Beth and Money for what I need

N-Nose Spray and the United States Navy

O-Ocean and On-line shopping

P-Plumbing and Pizza (not together, please)

Q-Quentin's Place and Quarters for the vending machine

R-Ray and Red (the color)

S-Stars and Supermarkets

T-Telephone and Travel

U-Umbrellas and Underwear

V-Vehicles and Vaccinations

W-Water and Warm Clothing

X-X-rays (but really I was thinking "thankful that my ex is my ex")

Y-Yeast rolls with honey butter

Z-Zoe, Zebras and Zippers



Managing Grief in the Christmas Season by Diane Webb

Image via Wikipedia

This time a year magnifies loss and grief for many people.  If you feel tight or heavy in your chest area, a lump in your throat, or headache through the temple area not related to medical conditions, you may be experiencing suppressed grief.  You may already  know you are grieving the  loss of a loved one during this Christmas season.  Following are some proactive things you can do to respect, acknowledge, honor, or process your grief related to a specific loss--especially the loss of a loved one.  The idea is to move through grief rather than avoid, suppress, or go around it.

• Write a letter to your loved one (not with the intent of actual communication but with the intent of closure), read it out loud then respectfully dispose of it; do not keep the letter.  You may need to do this several days in a row.  The first time may be difficult with more tightening of the chest or crying.  Just keep at it and it will get better each time.  I originally assigned this to a consumer who lost a baby to miscarriage.  The letter she writes is to her baby.  This is an especially good technique for women who have had abortions and are secretly living with the grief of regret.
• Create a new tradition that honors your loved one.  It does not have to be obvious and it can be a tradition only you know about.  If the loss pertains to the whole family the tradition can involve everyone.  Some examples include:  buying a special outfit for a needy child each year in honor of a child you lost, ringing the bell for Salvation Army each year in honor of your loved one, donating money to a specific charity each year  in honor of your loved one, hosting a dinner or gathering in honor of your loved one each year, baking bread or cakes and taking them to shut in's in honor of your loved one, or volunteering at a soup kitchen in honor of your loved one.
• If your grief is fresh, spend a specific time each day (5  minutes is enough) at a designated time for a specific length of time (5 minutes per day at 3PM for one week) to simply think about, remember, and miss your loved one.
• Created a  memory book or scrap book in honor of you loved one.
• Think of anything that leads to moving through the grief, letting go, moving on, or transferring the memory of your loved one from your head to your heart.
  

DO NOT:  Spend time talking directly to a deceased loved one as if they could really hear it.  Do not engage in rituals that have the intent of directly communicating with the dead.  These type of activities encourage a pathological clinging to the deceased in a way that intensifies the grief and prevents moving forward.

SPECIAL NOTE:  It is not unusual to see or hear a loved one after a death for about 2 weeks.  This is natural and is not to be feared.  On the other hand, if you are having this experience long after a death it is not natural and can be harmful to you emotionally or spiritually.  If this is happening to you I recommend seeing a minister or pastor you trust to discuss this with.

DREAMS:  I have noticed with some individuals they will have one dream or spiritual experience involving their deceased loved one.  The experience results in grief resolution instantly and the individual is able to move forward.  If this has happened to you--great.  On the other hand, to dream or have spiritual experiences involving your loved one that only result in increased grief, longing, or a desire to die--this is not natural or in your best interest.  This is another situation where you may want to speak with a trusted minister or pastor.

I hope you can benefit from some of these ideas or information.  If you know of other things that have helped you feel free to comment.  Grief is a very personal and difficult experience.  Most people appreciate suggestions for moving forward.

Decreasing Personal Suffering (Diane Webb)

By Diane Webb

Just a few small changes in word choice will make a huge difference in how upset you get over things that happen, how you feel in general, and how others respond to you.

Avoid using the word "should" (use "could" or "would" instead)
     "they could go to Zumba instead of Zaxby's"
Avoid either/or; all/nothing references" (use "and" instead)
     It's possible to love AND hate something at the same time
Avoid using the word "you" when speaking to others (mostly at the beginning of the sentence)
     "I feel mad when I see the clothes on the floor"
Avoid using the word "but"--especially "yes, but" (use "and" instead)
     "Yes, I see what you mean and I still disagree"
Avoid using the word "can't" (use "won't" instead)
     "I won't take out the trash"

Stop worry and anxiety (Diane Webb)

Image by janusz l via Flickr

AFFIRMATIONS FOR WORRY & ANXIETY
BY DIANE WEBB, LCSW

1 I never think about things that haven’t happened
2 I never think about “what if…”
3 I focus on today and only today
4 I solve real problems but never imaginary ones
5 I plan ahead but never worry about the future
6 I can handle what ever happens
7 Whatever happens is for the best even if I don’t understand
8 There’s no need to get upset because getting upset doesn’t help anyway
9 I never voice or think about my fears
10 I am fearless

Overcoming the Blues

OVERCOMING THE BLUES
By Diane Webb

Read these as needed to stop the blues

• I think well of myself
• I look on the bright side of things
• I am determined
• I enjoy myself
• I get things done
• I handle what I have to handle
• I am active
• I am easy going
• I get out and about
• I am acceptable
• I am loveable
• I am real
• I am whole
• I am connected
• I find life meaningful

What's Good?

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WHAT’S GOOD?

Diane Webb, LCSW

Often, the first thing I ask a consumer at the beginning of a session is “what’s good”? Sometimes when things are very bad in our lives we have a difficult time recognizing what’s good. Here are a few questions to help you identify what’s good.

Is at least one person you care about healthy?

Did you eat in the past day or so?

Do you have clothes to wear?

Can you breathe on your own?

Can you walk or at least get around on your own?

Did you sleep under a bridge last night?

Do you have hands/arms?

Are you able to go outside or look out a window at least once a day?

Are you living in a free country?

Do you have leprosy?

Do you have clean water available?

How did you get to this appointment?

Can you see?

Can you hear?

Can your read?

Has it ever been worse?

Can it get worse?

How bad is it?

How Bad Is It?
by Diane Webb

Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective. The next time you get upset about something try rating how bad or important it is on a scale of 1-10 with the following things being a 10.


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1. Being in a concentration camp during the Holocaust

2. Losing your family & home in the tsunami (or another disastrous manner)

3. Being a prisoner of war during Vietnam or WWII.

4. Being questioned (tortured) during the Spanish Inquisition

5. Being the slave of a sadistic owner

6. Being a nuclear war/atomic bomb victim

7. Being left on an ant bed in a paralyzed state

8. Being kidnapped by a serial killer

Looking at it this way, locking your keys in the car is really not that big a deal. Not much is worth getting upset about when you compare it to a 10 like the 8 listed above.