Unconditional Love (Diane Webb)

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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

By Diane Webb ©2008

I love you when things are going well

And when things are going badly

I love you when you hurt me

And when I hurt you

I love you when I don’t agree with you

And when you don’t agree with me

I love you on good days

And on bad days

I love you when you are loveable

And when you are unlovable

I love you when I act lovingly

And when I act unloving

When love is real…right…unconditional…

It doesn’t always make sense

It’s not always logical

It just is…

Real love is like God

You can’t always see it

You can’t always hear it

You can’t always feel it

You can’t always prove it

You just have to believe…

I love you

When to keep your mouth shut

Not sure who the author is but it was given to me by April Roberson, one of the counselors I work with.

DON'T OPEN YOUR MOUTH:
...in the heat of anger
...when you don't have all the facts
...when you haven't verified the story
...if your words will offend
...if your words will reflect badly on you or anyone else
...when you would be ashamed of your words later
...if your words would convey the wrong impression
...if the issue is none of your business
...when you are tempted to tell a lie
...if your words would damage someone's reputation
...if your words would damage a relationship
...when you are feeling critical
...if you can't speak without yelling
...when it's time to listen
...if you may eat your words later
...if you have already said it more than once
...when you are suppose to be doing something else

What teens & their parents need to know

Image by Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com) via Flickr

WHAT TEENS & THEIR PARENTS NEED TO KNOW
By Diane Webb

I wrote this for a grandmother and grandfather who were trying to finish raising an unruly granddaughter (16 years old). The granddaughter was running the home, had no boundaries, disrespected her grandparents, and was on the verge of being sent to YDC for truancy, running away, and other things. Unfortunately, the grandparents were not willing (or able) to implement these principles (or maybe it was too late by the time they tried). The young teen did end up being arrested and sent off for about 18 months. After getting out of YDC she reportedly was on drugs and living in a motel.

I don’t believe in abusing children by any means but I do believe it is our responsibility to discipline our children and teach them how to make good decisions. I think those of us raised in the seventies got carried away with trying to boost our children’s self-esteem and otherwise try to make it easier on our children as they were growing up. Unfortunately, we went too far I think in some ways and the current generation of young people are slightly (or greatly) spoiled and have a sense of entitlement. Children nowadays expect to be paid for helping around the house , expect a car on their 16th birthday (a new one not a used one), expect a cell phone on their 12th birthday, expect name-brand clothes, and etc… If I had to do it all over again with my two grown girls (who are fine women in spite of my failings), I would have not let them date at all until 18, and probably would not have handed them keys to a car they could call their own until 18 as well. With that being said, the following are the things teens & their parents need to know.

1. It does not have to be fair (life is not fair).
2. Families are not democracies.
3. Adults are in charge.
4. Adults make the decisions.
5. Adults do not owe children explanations.
6. Anything beyond basic food, shelter and clothing is a gift not an entitlement.
7. Disrespect earns punishment/consequences.
8. Any amount of disrespect needs to be punished.
9. If disrespect is a pattern, all extra privileges need to be revoked including spending money, computers, cars, stereos, phones, special-requested groceries/food items and not be returned until earned.
10. Physical punishments are not the best forms of punishment for teens. Usually, money, items and privileges are the best areas of punishment. Other ideas include: writing reports, writing sentences, writing definitions, doing extra chores, academic work-sheets, book reports, etc…
11. Punishments are best if a natural consequence of the mis-deed. For example, if a teen gets their ears pierced without permission then they could be placed on restriction until the piercing grows back up.
12. If a teen argues back about a punishment then that is a new punishment. Start with something small like a 300 word report then add words each time the child argues back.

Build yourself up

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I AM STRONG

By Diane Webb

(Use these to build up your inner strength)

I am not helpless

I never give up

I never give in

I never feel sorry for myself

I don’t want people feeling sorry for me

I take care of myself

I look out for myself

I love myself

I believe in myself

I am strong

I am brave

I am smart

I know what’s good for me

I am not helpless

Overcoming the Blues

OVERCOMING THE BLUES
By Diane Webb

Read these as needed to stop the blues

• I think well of myself
• I look on the bright side of things
• I am determined
• I enjoy myself
• I get things done
• I handle what I have to handle
• I am active
• I am easy going
• I get out and about
• I am acceptable
• I am loveable
• I am real
• I am whole
• I am connected
• I find life meaningful

Things to watch out for (traps)

TRAPS
(Tricks used to get us off track)
By Diane Webb, LCSW

1. Deception (bad disguised as good)
2. Discouragement (from self or others)
3. Fear and worry (instead of concern, planning, or problem solving)
4. Doubt (of self or others)
5. Guilt (instead of regret)
6. Pity (instead of compassion)
7. Expectations (of self & others)
8. Confusion (opinions, advice, thoughts)
9. Pressure (from self & others)
10. Stress
11. Fatigue (tired, weak, lack of sleep, poor nutrition)
12. Negative or critical words or thoughts (from self or others)
13. Wanting things your way
14. Wanting things (stuff)
15. Worrying about what other people think
16. Letting your guard down (arrogance/pride)
17. Looking inward too hard (over-analyzing)
18. Resentment (includes anger)

What's Good?

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WHAT’S GOOD?

Diane Webb, LCSW

Often, the first thing I ask a consumer at the beginning of a session is “what’s good”? Sometimes when things are very bad in our lives we have a difficult time recognizing what’s good. Here are a few questions to help you identify what’s good.

Is at least one person you care about healthy?

Did you eat in the past day or so?

Do you have clothes to wear?

Can you breathe on your own?

Can you walk or at least get around on your own?

Did you sleep under a bridge last night?

Do you have hands/arms?

Are you able to go outside or look out a window at least once a day?

Are you living in a free country?

Do you have leprosy?

Do you have clean water available?

How did you get to this appointment?

Can you see?

Can you hear?

Can your read?

Has it ever been worse?

Can it get worse?

How bad is it?

How Bad Is It?
by Diane Webb

Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective. The next time you get upset about something try rating how bad or important it is on a scale of 1-10 with the following things being a 10.


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1. Being in a concentration camp during the Holocaust

2. Losing your family & home in the tsunami (or another disastrous manner)

3. Being a prisoner of war during Vietnam or WWII.

4. Being questioned (tortured) during the Spanish Inquisition

5. Being the slave of a sadistic owner

6. Being a nuclear war/atomic bomb victim

7. Being left on an ant bed in a paralyzed state

8. Being kidnapped by a serial killer

Looking at it this way, locking your keys in the car is really not that big a deal. Not much is worth getting upset about when you compare it to a 10 like the 8 listed above.

Inner child healing exercise

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INNER CHILD HEALING

By Diane Webb

Say these things to yourself as if you are talking to yourself as a small child or imagine someone else saying them to you (like God).

I love you.

I care about you.

I’m here for you.

You are important to me.

I’m thinking about you.

You are so special.

I love you just the way you are.

You are beautiful to me.

You are so smart.

I’m so glad you are here.

I’ll take care of you.

I’ll protect you.

I will keep you safe.

I am proud of you.

I hear you; I am listening.