The day I turned Jesus away

The day I turned Jesus away
By Diane Webb

This is a sad, shameful story but one I am led to share. I hope you can learn from my experience. This is about the day I turned Jesus away.

Several years ago, I was in private practice and worked under contract in another town 40 miles away. One evening I rushed by my private practice office on the way back from the contract office. I don’t remember why but I was in a great hurry. I stopped by the office and was scurrying around doing something very important before going to prayer group (yes--prayer group). I was taking care of the important business when there were three slow knocks at the front door. I was puzzled because there was no sign on this office and no indication it was a business--much less a counseling office.

I briskly walked into the front room and swung opened the door striking my most important looking stance. I kept one hand on the door knob and the other on my hip (to emphasize I had been interrupted).

There on the stoop was a very short, rather wide, oddly shaped, and oddly dressed woman. She was not a young woman. She was not an attractive woman. She didn’t exactly look like a bag lady although she was holding a plastic grocery store bag. Her appearance reminded me of a bag lady somehow. Her clothes were clean and neat although out of date and shapeless--a dress of some sort if I remember correctly. It was dark in color. She had one of those smooshed-looking faces. You get the picture.

As she began to speak I thought I would die (simply die) of frustration because she spoke so slowly with a strange sort of stuttering speech impediment.--“ccccccccccccccan IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII sppppppppppppeak ttttttttttttto youuuuuuuuuuuuu a mmmmmmminnnnnnnnute“? It was all I could do to wait for her to finish the sentence. Without a second thought I said, “no mama”. (Even at the time I thought it very strange she accepted this without a protest, without a change of expression, without a reaction of any kind--almost as if she already knew I was going to say that). As she began to turn I just shut the door. (Surely I did not shut the door in her face. Surely I remember waiting until she turned to go).

No sooner than the door clicked and I turned away from the door a scripture quietly walked across the busyness of my mind…..“when you have turned away any of these you have turned me away”. It hit me with an almost audible thump of my heart. I knew instantly what had just happened. I knew I had just turned Jesus away.

I swung the door back open as quickly as I could so I could hear what this wonderfully humble lady had to say to me. I was horrified and mystified to see an empty stoop. “Where is she?” I thought. “It’s only been a couple of seconds.”

I ran down the steps and down the walk. I looked far up the street to the left. I looked frantically up the street to the right. I ran all the way around the house looking in every direction. I tell you, this lady just simply disappeared. She was old, she was slow, and she was on foot. She could not have possibly walked away fast enough for me not to see her up the street. (She didn’t walk away at all now did she?)

I have heard people say they were “grieved in the heart” and before this day had not realized what that felt like. Now I know. I was grieved in my heart because I turned away Jesus. I knew I had just as sure as I knew the day of the week. For months thereafter I looked for that lady every where I went in town. Every store, every pedestrian I passed. I have never seen her again. (And this is a small town).

I will leave you with the knowledge that I did have a chance to redeem myself shortly after the day I turned Jesus away. Because of my heavy heart and because I remembered the odd old lady, I made time for someone else. Someone I would not have made time for before. Someone who normally annoyed me.

I am still struggling to become a more patient person; a more approachable person, a less busy person. It still hurts my heart to think about this lady, this day--long past but not forgotten--the day I turned Jesus away. I hope (and pray) I will never turn Jesus away again.

Amen?