Things We've Learned the Hard way

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THINGS WE’VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY

By Diane Webb (with a little help from Ray)

· You can’t carry a spider in a jar without a lid

· You can’t iron a nylon night gown

· You shouldn’t say “sic-um” to a bull dog unless you really mean it

· You can’t leave a horse tied to a door knob

· Sound “carries” in the woods so be careful what you say

· Make sure the phone is hung up really good before you start talking about the caller

· Don’t laugh when your mamma is spanking you

· If someone says “trust me” you better not

· You can’t wash the dirt off a sandwich

· Never wake a sleeping baby

· When you think the kids can’t hear you they really can

· “This week” or “next week” does not mean the same thing to everyone

· “A little late” can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 9 months

· Smaller switches hurt worse than bigger ones

· That paddle ball game will become your parent’s paddle when the ball comes off

· Don’t sniff an open can of snuff (that free sample that came in the mail)

· Don’t use food as a beauty product—even if it’s in a magazine (oatmeal facial, mayonnaise for your fingernails, beer in your hair)

· If a recipe starts out with “take 3 whole chickens” it’s probably going to be too much food (African Peanut Soup)

· If a recipe sounds horrible it probably is (Tuna-Taco Casserole)

· A store bought meatloaf will bounce when dropped

· “Unbreakable” plates will break

· You can’t let a pet deer run around the yard like a dog

· Don’t say “write your congressman” or hog the heater when your sister has a knife in her hand